McDonalds – I’m Really Not Lovin’ It

Oh McDonalds, you’re so out of touch.  In the history of bad ideas in advertising, this is absolutely in the Top 5.

If you didn’t catch the ad on the Super Bowl, it goes a little something like this:

  • Go into McDonalds
  • Order food
  • Ask how much you owe
  • Get told to call someone/hug a stranger/do a dance/etc
  • Try to pay with cash
  • Have the checker insist that you pay with whatever they choose from the Wheel of Humiliation
  • Try to pay with cash again, this time more venom
  • Have the cashier tell you that you were randomly selected to pay with lovin’, so you have to pay with lovin’
  • Do whatever monkey grinder trick they ask of you so you can get your crappy sandwich and get the hell out of McDonalds

Here’s the long format ad:


I can see how this went in the meeting:

EVP Marketing: We need something huge for our Super Bowl ad.

Minion #1: How about we give away something free to random people?

EVP: That’s good, but we need a hook.  It’s been done before.

Minion #2: We need to find a way to get people talking.  You know, like that “Share a Coke” campaign that everyone loved.

EVP: Great thinking.  What can we do that will make people love our brand again?

Minion #1: I’ve got it!  How about we randomly give food away to customers.  When they try and pay, we tell them that it’s on the house.

EVP:  Not good enough.  It needs a hook!

Minion #2: I know!  How about we tell them that they can only pay by “spreading the lovin”.

EVP:  What are you driving at?

Minion #2:  Ok, hear me out.  Guy orders his food.  He’s ready to pay and we tell him to call his mom instead and tell her that he loves her.

EVP:  Now I’m Lovin’ It!!!

Minion #1:  Um, what if we do this and the customer’s mother is no longer alive?

EVP:  You’re overthinking it.  This is a great idea!!

Minion #1:  Ok, well what if the customer doesn’t want to participate.  Can he just pay for his food?

EVP:  What do I pay you for moron?!?!  He HAS TO participate.

Minion #2:  Yeah stupid!  It doesn’t work unless everyone participates.

Minion #1:  All I’m saying is that you’re likely to encounter customers who just want their Big Mac and would rather pay with cash than do a stunt.

EVP:  Do you even KNOW our customers?  Why are you even here?  You have no idea what you’re talking about.  This idea is gold!  It’s gonna be bigger than that Coke campaign.  Get with the program kid!

And that, my friends, is how a horrible idea goes from concept to reality.  No one likes forced participation.  No one likes to be treated like a trained seal for their food.  Especially by the counter guy at a fucking fast food chain.  And if you ask me to call up my dead mother, I’m gonna reach over the counter and punch you in the face.

For the record, yes, I do realize that writing this will cost me my dream of ever getting to be a marketing yes man for Mickey Dee’s.  I can live with those consequences.

Posted in Advertising.

Finally An Anti-Smoking Commercial That Doesn’t Suck

Generally speaking, I hate all the anti-smoking campaigns.  They are filled with shock which rarely translates into positive results.  They are so over the top that either they make people turn the channel or they simply insult the viewer’s intelligence.  It seems that the FDA has finally figured it out with their “Real Cost” campaign.

The campaign did not start out strong, focusing on the shock value of a teen doing something like, oh I don’t know, pulling a tooth out or peeling skin off of the face of a teen to pay for a pack of smokes. You remember this piece of garbage, right?

They released a series of these and they were nothing but the same shockvertising crap that’s been trotted out for years. Then, someone figured it out. They decided for once to not talk down to teens and created an ad that actually treats them like adults. So, for the first time ever, we now have an anti-smoking campaign that doesn’t completely suck. Kudos to the FDA for finally figuring it out and getting it right.

Posted in Advertising.

Who The Fuck Is Colt Cabana

A month or so ago, that was the question I was asking.  Why was I asking?  Well, he hosted one of the most important podcasts in his business about a month or so ago (yes, I’m a grown ass man and I watch wrestling.  A lot.  Deal with it) with one of the most talented guys to ever enter the squared circle.

See, there’s this guy who used to wrestle by the name of CM Punk.  A few months after he quit the WWE, he did a podcast with Colt Cabana, sharing his experiences and frustrations with the company.  Now there are a lot of guys with podcasts in that biz.  SCSA, Jericho, Jim Ross, Piper, they’ve all got ‘em  So how does some guy I’ve never heard of (mind you I started watching wrestling in 1981 shortly after Hogan took the strap off of the Iron Sheik) score such a cherry interview and why does the IWC (internet wrestling community) love this guy so much?

colt-cabana

I gotta say, I was pretty hesitant to listen to the podcast.  I dig CM Punk and everything I was reading about the interview made him sound like a bitter old man (even more so than listening to King Kong Bundy piss and moan).  So, I looked into this Colt Cabana guy a bit more and how surprised was I that he’s a member of the tribe.  See, there aren’t many Jewish wrestlers (or Jewish pro athletes for that matter), so when I found out he’s on wrestling’s Jewish Mt. Rushmore (alongside Paul Heyman, Barry Horowitz and Goldberg) I was intrigued.

I proceeded to listen to two of the most engrossing hours I’ve ever heard on a podcast (and I’ve listened to quite a few podcasts over the years).  I’m not gonna tell you that there wasn’t some complaining in the interview, but the tone has been really overblown by the IWC.  What it really did for listeners was show the world a side of the WWE that is rarely available for public consumption.  As for the complaints, the guy was bitter.  He was improperly utilized during his tenure and frankly quite a bit of the VKM stuff didn’t surprise me at all.

It’s been known for some time that these guys are all allegedly commodities for VKM that just get redlined until their respective engines throw a rod.  There are exceptions to the rule (Brock, Rock, etc), but if you’re not getting heat or moving merch, you’re gonna get buried.  Punk got plenty of heat and moved a ton of merch, but that didn’t seem to kick in to full gear until the relationship was broken beyond repair (see the events leading up to the 2011 MITB).

Overall, I was pretty damn impressed.  The flow of the interview was solid, the questions weren’t a giant slow pitch softball fest and the information that was shared was pretty eye opening.  Will CM Punk ever don the tights again for the WWE.  I seriously doubt it.  Maybe a few years away from the biz will change his mind, but if even half of the stuff he talked about is accurate there’s no way he’ll be back.  The podcast is below, so take a listen and draw your own conclusions.

Posted in Jew, Wrestling.