Category Archives: Advertising

McDonalds – I’m Really Not Lovin’ It

Oh McDonalds, you’re so out of touch.  In the history of bad ideas in advertising, this is absolutely in the Top 5.

If you didn’t catch the ad on the Super Bowl, it goes a little something like this:

  • Go into McDonalds
  • Order food
  • Ask how much you owe
  • Get told to call someone/hug a stranger/do a dance/etc
  • Try to pay with cash
  • Have the checker insist that you pay with whatever they choose from the Wheel of Humiliation
  • Try to pay with cash again, this time more venom
  • Have the cashier tell you that you were randomly selected to pay with lovin’, so you have to pay with lovin’
  • Do whatever monkey grinder trick they ask of you so you can get your crappy sandwich and get the hell out of McDonalds

Here’s the long format ad:


I can see how this went in the meeting:

EVP Marketing: We need something huge for our Super Bowl ad.

Minion #1: How about we give away something free to random people?

EVP: That’s good, but we need a hook.  It’s been done before.

Minion #2: We need to find a way to get people talking.  You know, like that “Share a Coke” campaign that everyone loved.

EVP: Great thinking.  What can we do that will make people love our brand again?

Minion #1: I’ve got it!  How about we randomly give food away to customers.  When they try and pay, we tell them that it’s on the house.

EVP:  Not good enough.  It needs a hook!

Minion #2: I know!  How about we tell them that they can only pay by “spreading the lovin”.

EVP:  What are you driving at?

Minion #2:  Ok, hear me out.  Guy orders his food.  He’s ready to pay and we tell him to call his mom instead and tell her that he loves her.

EVP:  Now I’m Lovin’ It!!!

Minion #1:  Um, what if we do this and the customer’s mother is no longer alive?

EVP:  You’re overthinking it.  This is a great idea!!

Minion #1:  Ok, well what if the customer doesn’t want to participate.  Can he just pay for his food?

EVP:  What do I pay you for moron?!?!  He HAS TO participate.

Minion #2:  Yeah stupid!  It doesn’t work unless everyone participates.

Minion #1:  All I’m saying is that you’re likely to encounter customers who just want their Big Mac and would rather pay with cash than do a stunt.

EVP:  Do you even KNOW our customers?  Why are you even here?  You have no idea what you’re talking about.  This idea is gold!  It’s gonna be bigger than that Coke campaign.  Get with the program kid!

And that, my friends, is how a horrible idea goes from concept to reality.  No one likes forced participation.  No one likes to be treated like a trained seal for their food.  Especially by the counter guy at a fucking fast food chain.  And if you ask me to call up my dead mother, I’m gonna reach over the counter and punch you in the face.

For the record, yes, I do realize that writing this will cost me my dream of ever getting to be a marketing yes man for Mickey Dee’s.  I can live with those consequences.

Posted in Advertising.

Finally An Anti-Smoking Commercial That Doesn’t Suck

Generally speaking, I hate all the anti-smoking campaigns.  They are filled with shock which rarely translates into positive results.  They are so over the top that either they make people turn the channel or they simply insult the viewer’s intelligence.  It seems that the FDA has finally figured it out with their “Real Cost” campaign.

The campaign did not start out strong, focusing on the shock value of a teen doing something like, oh I don’t know, pulling a tooth out or peeling skin off of the face of a teen to pay for a pack of smokes. You remember this piece of garbage, right?

They released a series of these and they were nothing but the same shockvertising crap that’s been trotted out for years. Then, someone figured it out. They decided for once to not talk down to teens and created an ad that actually treats them like adults. So, for the first time ever, we now have an anti-smoking campaign that doesn’t completely suck. Kudos to the FDA for finally figuring it out and getting it right.

Posted in Advertising.

Today in Badvertising: Norelco Brings Visions of the Buffalo Bill Tuck Dance

I was watching TV the other night and saw this abortion of a commercial:

As the Delta Bravo in this ad closes with the line “I’d Fuck Me” (blurred out muted out of course), all I can think of is Buffalo Bill putting on lipstick, looking in the mirror and saying “I’d Fuck Me” while the girl in the pit desperately tries to escape (skip to about 1:40 if you don’t want to watch the whole scene).

Making customers remember one of the most disturbing scenes in moviemaking history. Good work Norelco. Very slow clap worthy.

Oh, and thanks for including the waffled out picture of the dude shaving his junk on your promo site. Nothing makes me want to buy an electric razor more than when I see a blurred out twig and berries with the following selling point:

“We’d never put your junk in harm’s way. Quite the opposite in fact, the grooming attachment will safely help your junkyard look more like the family jewels they were born to be by doing some house cleaning on those short & curlies.”

Unoriginal, Uninspired, Unwatchable.

Posted in Advertising.