Category Archives: Jew

The Cindy Hayes Conversion

For those who don’t watch the show Orange Is The New Black, you probably have no idea who Cindy Hayes is.  For those of you who do, you know exactly where I’m going with this post (please note that this includes a “spoiler” discussion of the Season 3 episode “Trust No Bitch”, however it is somewhat of a minor story line).

For those not watching the show, here’s the setup.  The prison has been taken over by a private company and the food the new ownership provides is beyond disgusting.  As a result, some of the women decide to use the “kosher loophole” to get better food.  This naturally spirals out of control, with over 1/3 of the inmates stating that they’re Jewish in order to get the kosher meal.

Caputo brings in a Rabbi to test those who are claiming to be Jewish and the results are predictably humorous.  Cindy Hayes decides to try and trick the Rabbi by describing her upbringing using references to Yentl and Annie Hall.

The Rabbi’s response is 100% complete awesomeness:

“Miss Hayes, while I am heartened that you appreciate the works of Woody Allen and Barbra Streisand, I think you’ve confused cultural Judaism with committed Jewish belief.  Also, I hear Mandy Patinkin can be difficult to work with.”

oitnb-cindy-rabbi

After the visit, it comes to light that only one person passed the tests – the nun, Sister Jane Ingalls.  Not surprising, since Catholicism includes the teachings of the Old Testament.  Undeterred, Cindy continues her efforts to convince the Rabbi she wants to convert.  She studies, she learns and ultimately comes to the realization that being Jewish is about much more than just kosher food.

She once again meets with the Rabbi who asks her why she really wants to convert.  Her description of what it means to be a Jew is quite possibly the most beautiful, eloquent description I’ve ever heard.

“Honestly, I think I found my people.  I was raised in a church where I was told to believe and pray.  And if I was bad, I’d go to hell. And if I was good, I’d go to heaven.  And if I’d ask Jesus, he’d forgive me and that was that.  And here y’all are saying there ain’t no hell.  Ain’t sure about heaven. And if you do something wrong, you got to figure it out yourself.  And as far as God’s concerned, it’s your job to keep asking questions and to keep learning and to keep arguing. It’s like a verb. It’s like … you do God.  And that’s a lot of work, but I think I’m in, as least as far as I can see it.”

Season 3 may have been a bit uneven and the show may be spiraling in the same way that Weeds did around this time, but that speech will always have a place in my heart no matter how much the show goes off the rails.

Posted in Jew, Teachable Moments.

Who The Fuck Is Colt Cabana

A month or so ago, that was the question I was asking.  Why was I asking?  Well, he hosted one of the most important podcasts in his business about a month or so ago (yes, I’m a grown ass man and I watch wrestling.  A lot.  Deal with it) with one of the most talented guys to ever enter the squared circle.

See, there’s this guy who used to wrestle by the name of CM Punk.  A few months after he quit the WWE, he did a podcast with Colt Cabana, sharing his experiences and frustrations with the company.  Now there are a lot of guys with podcasts in that biz.  SCSA, Jericho, Jim Ross, Piper, they’ve all got ’em  So how does some guy I’ve never heard of (mind you I started watching wrestling in 1981 shortly after Hogan took the strap off of the Iron Sheik) score such a cherry interview and why does the IWC (internet wrestling community) love this guy so much?

colt-cabana

I gotta say, I was pretty hesitant to listen to the podcast.  I dig CM Punk and everything I was reading about the interview made him sound like a bitter old man (even more so than listening to King Kong Bundy piss and moan).  So, I looked into this Colt Cabana guy a bit more and how surprised was I that he’s a member of the tribe.  See, there aren’t many Jewish wrestlers (or Jewish pro athletes for that matter), so when I found out he’s on wrestling’s Jewish Mt. Rushmore (alongside Paul Heyman, Barry Horowitz and Goldberg) I was intrigued.

I proceeded to listen to two of the most engrossing hours I’ve ever heard on a podcast (and I’ve listened to quite a few podcasts over the years).  I’m not gonna tell you that there wasn’t some complaining in the interview, but the tone has been really overblown by the IWC.  What it really did for listeners was show the world a side of the WWE that is rarely available for public consumption.  As for the complaints, the guy was bitter.  He was improperly utilized during his tenure and frankly quite a bit of the VKM stuff didn’t surprise me at all.

It’s been known for some time that these guys are all allegedly commodities for VKM that just get redlined until their respective engines throw a rod.  There are exceptions to the rule (Brock, Rock, etc), but if you’re not getting heat or moving merch, you’re gonna get buried.  Punk got plenty of heat and moved a ton of merch, but that didn’t seem to kick in to full gear until the relationship was broken beyond repair (see the events leading up to the 2011 MITB).

Overall, I was pretty damn impressed.  The flow of the interview was solid, the questions weren’t a giant slow pitch softball fest and the information that was shared was pretty eye opening.  Will CM Punk ever don the tights again for the WWE.  I seriously doubt it.  Maybe a few years away from the biz will change his mind, but if even half of the stuff he talked about is accurate there’s no way he’ll be back.  The podcast is below, so take a listen and draw your own conclusions.

Posted in Jew, Wrestling.